Bruces' Philosophers Song
From "Matching Tie And Hankerchief"
Words & Music by Eric Idle
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Immanuel Kant was a real piss ant
Who was very rarely stable,
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table,
David Hume could out consume
Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel,
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist,
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed...

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill,
Plato, they say, could stick it away,
Half a crate of whisky every day,
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
Hobbes was fond of his dram,
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart,
"I drink, therefore I am"...

Yes Socrates, himself, is particularly missed...
A lovely little thinker,
But a bugger when he's pissed.

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Nicked from "The Fairly Incomplete And Rather Badly Illustrated 
Monty Python Song Book" and transcribed by John G. Wright