It’s almost easy. There’s only one name and password to remember (usually your own,) and after you sign in to one participating site, you can sign in to others with just one click. That's the theory anyway. The fact that all links are broken and half the pages aren't there are your problem, not ours.

It’s slow and tedious. You can store information about yourself in your Arseport profile and wallet, so you won’t have to retype it when you visit or make online purchases at participating sites. Again, that's just the theory. What actually happens is you end up with information from another random user, who then tries to sue us for releasing confidential information. This is annoying because it means we have to send the heavies round to sort them out.

It’s as secure as a bin. Your personal information is written on a piece of paper along with games of noughts and crosses and girls' phone numbers, which is then usually thrown away by the cleaner. You’re occasionally in control over which sites have access to it—including your e-mail and mailing addresses, and only trusted porn sites will be given any details we manage to find/remember. And, when you sign out, all of your Arseport-related personal information is left in a text file which is saved to the desktop, which means it’s safe to use on public or shared computers, provided nobody looks at it. Which they will.

To get started, get an Arseport now!

See also

• What the fuck is the single sign-in service?
• What the fuck is the wallet service?
• Tiny little directory of participating Arseport sites
• How secure is Passport? It isn't!