Cleaning the Fucking Kitchen
For Dummies

Conclusion

Okay. Have you read that? Have you appreciated it properly? No, really? Do you actually know what it means, deep-down in your heart?

Here's a simple self-assessment. Answer these questions honestly.

You have finished a pizza. What do you do with the crust and the box?
1. Throw both of them in the bin, scrunching them up to make them fit. If the bin is full, remove the bag and put it outside for collection.
2. Put them vaguely on top of the bin.
3. Shove them under the sofa and carry on watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?.
How do plates get from the state of being dirty to being clean?
1. I wash them up once I've finished with them.
2. Somebody washes them up at some point.
3. You mean clean and dirty plates are actually the same plates? Wow. Never really looked at it like that before.
You've drunk a can of beer and it's now empty. So, what now?
1. Throw it in the bin.
2. Put it with the stack on the table and get another one.
3. Hide it randomly around the living room like you are the Easter Bunny and it's a magic egg.
Washing-up liquid. Think hard. What is it again?
1. A detergent product that I use to clean up after myself.
2. It's the stuff in that bottle by the sink, I think it has something to do with washing.
3. Hmm, it smells of lemons... is it some kind of sauce?
Finally, how long is it reasonable to leave something in the sink before you wash it up?
1. A few days, maybe, if you're busy, but ideally do it as quickly as possible so as not to piss everyone else off who is living there too.
2. Until I get round to it. You want a date? Stop oppressing me, fascist.
3. Sorry, can you rephrase the question? I don't understand the last bit, "before you wash it up".

How did you do?

Mostly a

Yep, you seem to have got it. Well done.

Mostly b

Some promise, but you're a bit lacking in the exact details aren't you? Why not read this guide over again and see if you can pick it up this time?

Mostly c

You are a hopeless case and should be culled for the benefit of future generations. Ideally in a brutal fashion. And if you carry on like this, you will be.