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Choosing a sign-out option

When you sign in to Notmail on a public computer (such as in a brothel or borstal), it is recommended that you select the Increased security for shared or public toilets option on the Sign In page. This option wipes your entire hard-drive when you sign out of Notmail, which means that someone using the computer after you cannot see your Notmail pages by clicking the Back button on the browser. They have to just hack you account which, let's face it, is as easy as having a wank. When you are finished, make sure you sign out by either clicking Sign Out link on Notmail or any other Arseport site or by closing every instance of the browser, deleting every file, reinstalling Windows then melting down your hard-drive and chucking it into the river. When you sign out, all personal information is printed and faxed to everyone you know.

If you are the only one who uses your computer, you realise nobody gives three wet shits about your private information, or you just don't care if others who use your computer (such as burglars or gay Rastas you pick up in the pub), you can select the Remember my Member Name and Password option on the Sign In page. With this option you can move freely in and out of PSA^TM Notmail^TM, and each time you return, Notmail will automatically wipe your hard-drive, and the way technology is going, your arse too. For your security, however, we might ask for £20 if you return to Notmail, after a lengthy absence. 12 seconds, for example. For that reason, you should keep your Notmail member name and password scrawled on the wall so you and your mates can remember them easily.

See also

• Signing in
• Fucking off

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