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Access your shite mail from anywhere
Notmail is the world's latest web-based e-mail provider, which means you can send and occasionally receive messages from any computer connected to the Internet, and if you've got a good imagination, any that don't. You can use Notmail from a submarine, jail, the nut house, a brothel, a swamp or any other computer in the world with an Internet connection, like I just said. But it was so important I thought I'd repeat it. Your messages are stored in a filing cabinet in Peru, so your Inbox will be up to date as soon as we find the key. This is great for people who use other people's computers without them knowing, get deported frequently, or had to pawn their computer to pay off the mob.
Get a permanent e-mail address
When you create a Notmail account,
you choose a permanent e-mail address that will probably only
change fourteen times while you continue to use Notmail. This is
great for people who:
Your e-mail is public and insecure
On the offchance that you sign up for Notmail, we choose your personal ID and password. Don't worry, we'll choose something that suits your personality. 'Gimp' for example. The only way you can access your account is by using the password we select, which on average changes three times a day. This means that only you and up to seventy others will have access to your Notmail account, even more if you use a computer at a public terminal or a friend's house.
Because the messages in your Notmail account are stored in a filing cabinet in Peru, you don't have to worry about losing important information if your computer gets repossessed.
Notmail is occasionally committed to keeping your personal information at least within our office. For more information on our Privacy Policy, click here.
Notmail is slow and a bastard to use
PC World Online recently recognized Notmail as the best Web-based e-mail service, except for all the others. The magazine stated that while others provide better services, "none can match Notmail's general ease of use." Sadly for everyone, this is true. It takes less than a day to get started on Notmail, and we have worked to make our pages load slowly and tediously since we know you need an excuse to download porn.
Notmail is free to the first nine users, so give it a try right now! NOW, DAMMIT!
Get a additional e-mail accounts for £2,000 EACH
Notmail offers everyone the opportunity to get one free e-mail account. Notmail can offer your first e-mail account for free because we place banner advertising all over the bloody place.
Some Internet Service Providers charge a monthly fee for additional e-mail accounts. Notmail lets you get additional ones for only £2,000 - £12 cheaper than our main competitor [SOURCE: the bloke who came to fix the printer] - we charge to avoid people setting up accounts for the sole use of spamming - we know what you're like.
Keep your personal porn separate from your work porn
People who use e-mail from work will find it convenient to keep their personal messages separate from their work messages, unless you want to read personal e-mail on company time. You can use Notmail for sending porn to your mates and your company's e-mail system to send porn to your colleagues. Additionally, you don't have to store personal e-mail on your company's servers, it just makes Notmail slightly quicker if you do. All messages in your Notmail account are stored in a filing cabinet in Peru that you access via the Internet with your mate's password.
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